Parenting is an important responsibility… It can also be a difficult responsibility! Our team knows that raising healthy, successful children is not an easy endeavor. In this blog, we are going to take a look at common parenting struggles and some tips for managing those struggles.

Picky Eating

It is common for parents to come into counseling and comment on how difficult it can be to get their children to eat healthy foods. Often, children are reliant on unhealthy foods that are high in sugar, fat, and sodium. This can be a hard impasse to overcome, both for the parent and the child. The Ellyn Satter Institute proposes a potential solution, the Satter Division of Responsibility in Feeding (sDOR). In this model, it is suggested that parents “take the leadership of what, when, and where in feeding while giving the child autonomy with the how much and whether of eating.” Through this system, children are given some of their own empowerment when it comes to the process of eating, allowing them to opt-in to healthy eating through autonomy instead of resisting healthy eating due to imposed rules alone. Empowering the child gives them the best chance to develop their own healthy diet.

Screen Time

Today’s children have more access to screens than today’s parents ever did! While this technology does offer some benefits, too much screen time can be concerning – particularly for kids. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that too much screen time can lead to “sleep problems, lower grades in school, reading fewer books…mood problems, [and] poor self-image and body image issues” among other difficulties. With this in mind, it is important to implement clear, consistent, and developmentally appropriate limits on screen time for children. These limits should apply to video games, phones, TVs, etc. In addition to consistency, it is also important for parents to model healthy relationships with screens.

Discipline

Healthy and realistic boundaries are essential for improving adaptive behavior. Being able to discipline children is all about balance, and it can be difficult to figure out an appropriate balance between being too strict and too lenient. Rules and boundaries are necessary for any child, as children crave structure and require it to prevent negative learned behaviors. However, a too strict household may impede the relationship between parent and child. It could also, in theory, stunt growth and creativity. When considering discipline, it is important to decide how you want to evoke the desired behaviors from your child. Some may wish to take a hardline, punishment based approach to weed out negative behaviors. However, research shows that this might not be the most effective approach. A 2014 Nursing Forum article says, “harsh discipline… creates fear through negative reinforcement.” A more effective approach could be to reward acceptable, preferred behaviors with praise or small perks. A child is often more likely to respond positively when they are interacted with positivity. When you think about it, aren’t we, adults, the same way?

Sleep

Sleep is essential when it comes to both physical and mental health. While quality sleep is important for children and adults, both often struggle with inconsistent sleep… Parents reading this may be thinking, “Yes, I’m awake all night because my kids keep me awake!” In this section, we will look at two specific struggles parents sometimes face when it comes to sleep: (1) establishing healthy sleep patterns and (2) helping kids sleep alone.

First, it is important to establish healthy sleep routines with your children. Children (and adults) thrive with routine, and that includes with sleep! Setting a normal, predictable sleep routine allows children to adjust to falling asleep. Consistent elements of a sleep routine could be bathing, getting into pajamas, reading a story, saying prayers, and offering a sign of affection (a hug or kiss on the head).

Second, countless parents in counseling report difficulty with getting children to sleep alone. Often, parents go on to say that even if their child goes to sleep in their own bed, they end up in the parents’ bed before morning. A crucial element to getting a child to sleep in their own bed is helping them feel safe and secure in their own bed throughout the night. There are several methods parents can use to achieve this. One particularly effective method is commonly known as the “Chair Method.” What To Expect describes the method as “putting your child down, sitting in a chair close to the crib, comforting your baby if necessary and then gradually moving the chair toward the door each night until you’re finally out of the room.” Though this technique is mostly meant for infants, the same concept is applicable to older children. It can even be done in reverse with the child slowly transitioning on their own mattress out of the parents’ bed night after night.

Self-Care

It is important for parents to foster a safe, nurturing environment for themselves and for their children. Too often, caretakers find themselves giving all they have to those they care for without leaving anything for themselves. This mentality, especially as it pertains to parenting, is not sustainable. An article from Behavior Analysis in Practice shared this analogy: “On an airplane, when there is an emergency, parents are told to put on their own oxygen masks first so that they can effectively support their children and keep them safe.” What this is saying is that if parents aren’t tending to their own needs, they will eventually not be able to care for the needs of their children. Parents – be sure you are taking care of your own health, hygiene, and even fun and relaxation. If you don’t, you may find yourself struggling to help your children thrive. This may mean being diligent to make time for yourself, instead of trying to find the time.

At the end of the day, it is important to know that it matters less what parents say and more what parents model. If children see that expectations only apply to them, they can become discouraged, frustrated, or have difficulty trusting caregivers. According to an article from Michigan State University Extension, children learn through observation not just what parents do, but what others do as well, and how they are rewarded or treated impacts whether or not the behavior will be mimicked. It is imperative that caregivers not only reinforce behaviors they want to see from their children, but model those behaviors as well.

We know that parenting comes with many challenges, and we know that those challenges can feel impossible to navigate at times. Counseling can be beneficial for parents/caregivers, families, and for children/teens to help navigate difficulties that arise. With locations in Albertville, Huntsville, Jacksonville, Jasper – and online options – our team works with families across Alabama! If we can support you and your family, please contact our office to learn more about our process.

To read more about parenting and family concerns, check out one of the articles below:

Sources

AACAP. (n.d.). Screen Time and Children. Retrieved March 30, 2023, from https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Watching-TV-054.aspx#:~:text=Between%2018%20and%2024%20months,limit%20activities%20that%20include%20screens.

Coyne, L. W., Gould, E. R., Grimaldi, M., Wilson, K. G., Baffuto, G., & Biglan, A. (2020). First things first: Parent psychological flexibility and self-compassion during COVID-19. https://doi.org/10.31219/osf.io/pyge2

Geddes, J. K. (2022, December 20). Using the chair method of sleeping training to get your baby to sleep. What to Expect. Retrieved March 30, 2023, from https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/chair-method-sleep-training/

Raise a healthy child who is a joy to feed. Ellyn Satter Institute. (n.d.). Retrieved March 30, 2023, from https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/satter-feeding-dynamics-model/

Rymanowicz, K. (2023, February 23). Monkey see, monkey do: Model behavior in early childhood. MSU Extension. Retrieved May 1, 2023 from ,
http://https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/monkey_see_monkey_do_model_behavior_in_early_childhood

Seay, A., Freysteinson, W. M., & McFarlane, J. (2014). Positive parenting. Nursing Forum, 49(3), 200–208. https://doi.org/10.1111/nuf.12093