According to the American Psychological Association, grief is defined as the anguish experienced after a significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief affects everyone differently but we can all learn from the grieving process. Regardless of who we have lost, people are able to connect with one another through the grieving process and acknowledge the emotions that present themselves. Learning from grief might include things like:
- Appreciate Loved Ones: Going through a loss can be hard but it allows you the opportunity to grow closer to those surrounding you in your time of need.
- Understand Feelings and Emotions: Giving yourself the time to process a loss is an important part of grieving. Talking to friends or family is a good start and counseling is also able to assist with this journey.
- Provide Empathy For Others: Being able to support friends and family because you can identify with their pain can provide hope for others to keep pushing through. Having someone who understands the significance of your loss brings a level of appreciation for those around you.
Stages of Grief
Throughout the grieving process you may go through various stages that will impact how you learn to live without your loved one. It is not uncommon to experience:
- Denial: It can be hard believing that someone is gone and pretending as if nothing has changed is common. Avoiding talking about the deceased due to fear or shock is another common tactic to avoid processing those feelings.
- Anger: Having anger at yourself or the person who died is a normal response. Many think that it is unfair that their loved one was taken from them and want to place the blame somewhere because they wish they could have changed the outcome.
- Bargaining: It is not uncommon to try and make deals with ourselves, or higher powers if religious, in order to save our loved one. Sometimes we may even start thinking about the “what if” questions as a way to figure out how we could have prevented a loss.
- Depression: In this stage feeling an immense amount of sadness over the loss is to be expected. You may feel overwhelmed and withdraw from those around you. The feeling of sorrow and distress may come in waves affecting your outlook on life.
- Acceptance: The last stage of grieving is accepting that the deceased is gone. Adjusting to life without their presence and coming to terms with their death is the final step while moving on with your own life.
Everyone’s grieving process is different therefore, some may experience each stage while others skip or switch between stages before moving forward. Taking the time needed to process your thoughts and how you are feeling during the grieving process is vital in order to move on in life. There is no timeline on grief and each person moves at their own pace while learning to live with their loss.
Lessons from Loss
Grief can be seen as carrying love for someone with nowhere for it to go because they have passed. After experiencing loss you have to learn how to live your life from a new perspective. Relearning small habits and making adjustments to what you typically would do is a new challenge that you are faced with after a loss. After losing a loved one it is common to have a better understanding and have learned how to:
- Forgive yourself: Despite what you may think, there is nothing we can do to bring back our loved ones. It is important to not blame ourselves but instead find peace that they are gone.
- Forgive others: Placing the blame on others or even the deceased only allows us to harbor anger at their death. Understanding that there is limited control over death can free you from the anger and hurt those thoughts bring.
- Be present in the moment: Making the most out of life and its memories will bring serenity when your loved ones are not with you. Enjoying the time that we do have with them provides the best opportunity for us to have closure.
Grieving is a hard process to go through yet it opens our eyes to many possibilities for our own future. Processing the emotions that come along with grief, by talking to others both inside and outside of counseling, is a great start to understanding what we want for our own lives. Although a loved one may be physically gone, it is important to remember that their memory will stay with you long after they have transitioned away.
How Can Counseling Help Those Grieving?
Grief counseling or bereavement therapy is intended to help you cope with the emotional and physical distress that comes with losing a loved one. Counselor Leah explains, “As we navigate our grief, we may find solace in the support and understanding of others who have experienced similar losses. These connections can provide a sense of belonging and camaraderie, reminding us that we are not alone in our journey.” Counselors are trained to assist you in navigating life after loss, in whatever way that it may look like for you. Everyone copes differently and the assistance of counseling helps form those healthy habits after loss. Counselor Lynsey states, “Grief is not linear, and it is a process that occurs over time and varies from person to person. Grief counseling provides a safe, nurturing space that allows for grieving the loss, resolving ambivalent feelings, preserving positive memories, redefining the relationship with the deceased, and committing to present relationships.” There is no age limit for grief counseling and any person affected by the loss should be encouraged to seek help with understanding their emotions.
Counselor Recommended Resources For Those Grieving
There are various resources that counselors recommend using to aid you during your times of grief. Resources available to you throughout the grieving process at any time include:
- Good Mourning Game: A peaceful board game that will aid children in understanding loss and help resolve their grief.
- Elisabeth Kubler Ross Foundation: A nonprofit organization committed to helping the community process loss and provide support to those in need.
- Center for Loss and Life Transition: An organization that provides resources including training for those experiencing loss and teaches them how to heal.
- On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: A book written by the famous writer of the five stages of grief addresses the way people process grief and death around them.
Get Started With Grief Counseling
If you are looking for a grief counselor to help you navigate your grief journey, our counselors are here to support you. We have offices conveniently located in Albertville, Huntsville, Jacksonville, and Jasper, with online options available as well. Call us at (256) 239-5662 to learn more.
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Sources
American Psychological Association. “Grief: Coping with the Loss of Your Loved One.” Https://Www.apa.org, 1 Jan. 2020, www.apa.org/topics/grief.
Holland, Kimberly. “Stages of Grief: General Patterns for Breakups, Divorce, Loss, More.”
Healthline, Healthline Media, 25 Sept. 2018, www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief.
O’Connor, Mary-Frances. “Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt.” Psychosomatic Medicine, vol. 81, no. 8, 1 Oct. 2019, pp. 731–738, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6844541/,
https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000717.
“Speaking of Psychology: How Grieving Changes the Brain with Mary Frances O’Connor, PhD.” Apa.org, 2022, www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/grieving-changes-brain.
Yoshiike, Takuya, et al. “Exploring the Role of Empathy in Prolonged Grief Reactions to Bereavement.” Scientific Reports, vol. 13, no. 1, 10 May 2023, p. 7596, www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-34755-y, https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-34755-y.