Lying awake in bed, tossing and turning, only reinforces anxiety and frustration around sleep. If you find yourself still awake after 20 to 30 minutes, the best course of action is to get out of bed. Go to another room and engage in a calming activity like reading, deep breathing, or listening to gentle music, something that does not involve bright lights or screens.
This method is part of a cognitive behavioral sleep strategy called stimulus control. The goal is to retrain your brain to associate your bed with sleep and rest, not with worry or wakefulness. By leaving the bed when you’re not sleepy and returning only when tired, you strengthen the connection between bed and rest.
Over time, this technique decreases the anxiety associated with not sleeping and reduces the likelihood of chronic insomnia. While it may feel counterintuitive, stimulus control is one of the most well-researched and effective behavioral techniques for improving sleep onset and maintenance.
One of our team members shared, “When sleep feels elusive, remember that rest comes in many forms. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is step away from the struggle and into stillness. It can be helpful to practice mindfulness throughout the day or before bedtime (apps like Insight Timer, Headspace, and Calm are helpful), notice your thoughts about sleep without judgment, breathe deeply, and remind yourself that even quiet wakefulness has value. Your worth isn’t measured by how quickly you fall asleep.”
Recommended Books:
- Say Goodnight to Insomnia by Gregg D. Jacobs
- Quiet Your Mind and Get to Sleep by Colleen Carney and Rachel Manber
Recommended Website:
- CDC Sleep and Health: Sleep facts and public health data
References:
Bootzin, R. R., & Epstein, D. (2011). Stimulus control therapy. In M. L. Perlis, M. Aloia, & B. Kuhn (Eds.), Behavioral treatments for sleep disorders (pp. 21–30). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-381522-4.00002-5
Morin, C. M., & Benca, R. (2012). Chronic insomnia. The Lancet, 379(9821), 1129–1141. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(11)60750-2