Friends one minute, enemies the next? If you have multiple children, you are probably all too familiar with sibling rivalry. Sibling conflict is inevitable; however, there are some tips parents can use to help reduce and better manage sibling conflict.
What Is Sibling Conflict?
New World Encyclopedia says this about sibling conflict, “Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among brothers and sisters within a family. It results from a predictable, normal, and healthy response of an older child to the birth of a new brother or sister, because the older child feels threatened by the new member of the family. Sibling relationships are training for living in a world of diversity. Though born of the same parents, siblings often differ from one another widely in temperament, personality, tastes, preferences, talents, and even political leanings. Learning to resolve these differences provides training in tolerance, compassion, and forgiveness. Failure to do so, however, results in rivalries that threaten to destroy the harmony of the family, create a toxic social environment, and when unchecked may lead to violence and tragedy. With the parents’ help, a child can transform resentful feelings into cooperativeness and genuine altruism.” (New World Encyclopedia, 2023)
5 Tips For Sibling Conflict
There are actually a number of important things that can come from sibling conflict when it is handled appropriately: learning to manage conflict, resolve differences, assertiveness skills, and skills to improve negotiation/compromise.
- Identify The “Why” Behind The Conflict: Have you ever wondered why siblings fight? There are actually a number of reasons that your children may be fighting, whether it is to get attention, feel powerful, break boredom, or become the “favorite.” Many factors contribute to sibling rivalry from age, temperaments, special needs, conflict-resolution skills, parenting style, culture (Brennan, 2021) Another article says, “While most siblings aren’t fighting for actual scraps, psychologically, sibling rivalry serves a developmental purpose: It helps children figure out what is unique and special about themselves, otherwise known as ‘differentiation.’ Children want to be seen as the most special by their parents, so they’re “always going to push for preferential treatment,” over their siblings, Vivona said. (Grose, 2021)
- Take Time To Listen & Problem Solve: Do your children feel heard? Are you actually listening to them? After you have determined the why, it may be easier to think about what your children may actually need. It is important to be able to communicate with your children but also to listen to what they are not directly saying. It is also important to not react, but listen and help your children take steps toward solving conflict. Counselor Maegen says, “Sibling conflict offers opportunities for the children to enhance conflict resolution skills and empathy. Reframe sibling conflict as a learning opportunity on how to communicate feelings.”
- Set Aside One-On-One Time: As humans, we are all seeking connection, what makes children any different? Counselor Sarah recommends this approach and says, “Quality family time is always very important; however, it can also be incredibly beneficial to set aside time for each individual child on their own. Children have their own unique needs, interests and wants. As a parent it is very important to make time for each child to feel heard, seen and accepted.”
- Make Time For Family Bonding: Our team says this about family bonding, “It is important that parents allow siblings to have moments where they bond. Family game nights are a great opportunity to do this. Allow siblings to come together to plan a game night or cook a meal together. Working through sibling conflict can help children learn how to properly deal with conflict as adults.”
- Seek Outside Support: Each family unit is a unique social system and has its own structure and patterns of communication. The beliefs, values, and individual personalities, along with the influence of extended family members, make up the dynamic system of a family unit. Participating in family counseling can help individuals feel more understood and able to encourage and support one another through a range of concerns like co-parenting, sibling conflict, marital discord, parenting struggles, chronic illness of a family member, a challenging child, and blended family struggles.
Get Started With Family Counseling
The Garrett Counseling team knows that families and couples often experience challenges that can be difficult to overcome. If you find your relationship in need of support through a challenging time in your life, we encourage you to reach out to our team today. Garrett Counseling has locations in Albertville, Huntsville, Jacksonville, and Jasper, as well as online counseling options, to provide you with the support you are looking for.
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