A blended family is typically formed when an individual with children from a previous relationship marries or cohabits with a new partner who may or may not have children. The parents decide to marry and form a blended family. Past studies show that each member of the blended family enters into a transitional period. During this transitional period, each member of the blended family faces numerous challenges. When a parent remarries, the family dynamics between parent and child change. Step-parents and step-siblings are now a part of the family dynamic, and conflict may ensue. According to Petruk (2023), there is a “sudden shift” into new roles (step-parent and step-child), sibling rivalry, and a need for new boundaries. Therefore, taking into account the thoughts and feelings of all members involved will help improve the family unit.
Perspective of a New Step-Parent in a Blended Family
There are different perspectives that a new step-parent may have entering into an established family unit. Research (Petruk, 2023; Shalay & Brownlee, 2007) shows that step-parents may have a few misconceptions, including:
- Forming a bond with the stepchild will be “swift and easy.”
- It will be a short adjustment period.
- The new family unit will address any remaining emotional issues arising from the divorce.
- The step-siblings will get along.
- The child will show respect for their new step-parent.
As the adjustment period begins, the newly blended family may adapt to the changes without difficulty. However, there are instances in which some blended families may face challenges, leaving the step-parent feeling disappointed, confused, rejected, and discouraged. Some step-parents may feel compelled to be overly friendly to gain acceptance from their stepchild. Past studies suggest that a “nonresidential stepparent” may have fewer opportunities to get to know their stepchild and to create a strong bond because the stepchild does not live in the home (Nixon & Hadfield, 2016). On the contrary, past studies show that “residential Step-Parents” who tend to take on a disciplinary role within the home tend to struggle with building a bond with the stepchild (Nixon & Hadfield, 2016).
Perspective of Children in a Blended Family
Children in a blended family may initially struggle with it. There are a few factors that contribute to children’s emotional distress, such as:
- Parents are diminishing the child’s feelings in an attempt to “keep the peace” in the home.
- The child may feel compelled to maintain loyalty to the parent, thereby refusing or hesitating to form a bond with the stepparent.
- The child may perceive favoritism.
- There is tension between the biological parents, as the parents are unable to communicate effectively.
- The step-parent role, household expectations, and boundaries within the home are unclear.
These factors strongly influence children’s “acting out” behaviors, including defiant behavior, anger outbursts, and aggression.
Furthermore, as family members attempt to identify their roles within the family unit, families often observe an increase in conflict between step-siblings. Past research indicates that multiple factors contribute to the closeness between step-siblings. Sibling closeness is affected by the ages of the step siblings, the siblings’ temperament, whether there is differential treatment by parents, the gender of the step sibling, and the time since remarriage (Nixon & Hadfield, 2016).
Perspective of a Biological Parent in a Blended Family
The biological parent may experience frustration and despair during the transition period. The biological parent may find themselves in the middle of a conflict and be unsure of how to resolve it. Biological Parents may find it challenging to meet the conflicting demands of their new spouse and children (Kumar, 2017). Biological parents may find that it is difficult to co-parent effectively with their ex-spouse. Biological parents may also struggle to agree on child custody, finances, and parenting strategies.
What Can Be Implemented at Home?
There are a few strategies parents can implement at home to reduce conflict. First, biological parents can work cohesively to establish household rules, routines, and ways in which you wish for the children to be disciplined to limit the children’s confusion as they transition from one home to the other. Second, parents can provide an open and safe space for their children to discuss their feelings regarding the remarriage. Third, according to Shalay & Brownlee (2007), to reduce conflict and tension among blended family members, clear boundaries must be established and roles defined. Identifying an effective stepparent role can be a complicated process. Thus, Petruk (2023) suggests that, initially, stepparents should allow the child’s biological parent to assume the role of disciplinarian to focus on building the bond with their stepchildren. As a result, the stepparent-stepchild relationship will be established. Ultimately, reducing conflict and resistance from stepchildren within the home. Lastly, it is crucial to recognize that the process of forming a blended family is long-term. Thus, stepparents should take the time to build a bond with their stepchildren based on love, respect, and support.
Utilizing Therapy to Reduce Conflict in a Blended Family
Blended families may struggle to implement strategies to improve communication and reduce conflict within the family unit. Thus, therapy is a practical approach to help family members learn healthy ways to communicate their thoughts and feelings. A therapist will work with parents to:
- Gain a deeper understanding of how the blended family affects each member.
- Adjust their expectations regarding the blended family.
- Shift focus from the child’s “Acting Out” behaviors to what the child is trying to communicate.
- Learn ways to provide support to their children.
Various forms of therapy have proven beneficial for working with blended families, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Couples Therapy, Family Systems Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Family Therapy.
Book Resources for Parents:
- Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart by Gary Chapman and Ron Deal
- Blended Family Advice: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help Blended and Step Families Become Strong and Successful by Shirley Cress Dudley
- Keys to Successful Stepfathering (Barron’s Parenting Keys) by Carl E. Pickhardt
Book Resources for Children:
Book Resources for Teens:
If you are seeking a counselor to support your family, our team is here. Contact us at (256) 239-5662 to schedule an appointment today!
Sources
Gaspard, T. (2023, February 9). Navigating the Challenges of Stepfamily Life. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/navigating-the-challenges-of-stepfamily-life/
Kumar, K. (2017). The Blended Family Life Cycle. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(2), 110–125. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2016.1268019
Lockhart, A.-L. (n.d.). Tips for Blended Families. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/tips-for-blended-families/
Nixon, E., & Hadfield, K. (2016). Blended Families. Encyclopedia of Family Studies, 1–5. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119085621.wbefs207
Petruk, L. (2023, April 20). NBCC | National Board for Certified Counselors & Affiliates. Www.nbcc.org. https://www.nbcc.org/resources/nccs/newsletter/challenges-of-counseling-blended-families
Shalay, N., & Brownlee, K. (2007). Narrative Family Therapy with Blended Families. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 18(2), 17–30. https://doi.org/10.1300/j085v18n02_02